The+Epic+of+Silky+Rey

In the year 1944, an American eating prodigy was born. From the mother of a 385 pound offensive lineman on the woman's football team, the Chicago Smackers, and the son of a successful business man in the chewing gum industry. It was an unusually warm night in Chicago in 1970 after the Cubs baseball game when Silky Rey and his best friend Doug were eating at a local McDonalds where they met up with Rico Suave, a rich and smooth man with an extraordinary obsession with meat. Rico Suave was discussing the upcoming event at Meatstock with Silky where he has prepared the world's largest meatball for Silky Rey to consume. At the same McDonalds was Don Logwood and his crewmember Richy Rich eating four Big Macs each. It is said that Don had once killed a dragon just because it gave him a dirty look and it is safe to assume that he is one of the most feared men in Chicago at that time. Don over hears the conversation between Rico Suave and Silky and is intrigued about the meatball. He then challenges Silky to a competition. A competition that will be held on Meatstock that will see who can eat the world's largest meatball the fastest. Silky Rey accepts the challenge because Silky Rey is all that is man and will not be humiliated in his own sport.
 * __The Epic of Silky Rey __**

To prepare for the intense competition, Silky Rey and his trainer, who was also his best friend, Doug, had partaken in some extreme weight training and water aerobic activities at the the local YMCA. On the other hand, Don had taken the more sensible route by running extreme distances to increase his competition endurance and eating large amounts of fodder from the trough to increase his stamina. Don also had taken steroids that were given to him from Richy Rich to help him beat Silky Rey. As our two competitors are training, Rico Sauve has been preparing for Meatstock and has also managed to get Jimi Hendrix to preform the National Anthem. Rico Sauve has also ordered 500 happy California cows to be consumed at the upcoming Meatstock which was the first of its kind and that kind of meatpower was unheard of at the time. One day, Doug was out finding shiny pebbles for his shiny pebble collection where he met up with Richy Rich who was on a mission to get rid of Silky Rey's trainer. With Doug gone, Don believes he has the upperhand on the meatball competition so he sent out his meanest man to kill the simple minded Doug. Don wanted to send a message so he had Richy shove a giant meatball in Doug's mouth who unfortunately could do nothing to get the meatball out because he didnt want to drop his shiny pebbles which he worked so hard to get. It was later that day that Silky got the news of his bestfriend and trainer had died. Silky Rey was devastated from the events and was even more mad because the police could not attach Richy or Don to the murder of Doug. "In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside you." Those were the words of Deepak Chopra that Silky used to gather himself together and realize that he needed to pull himself together and continue training for Meatstock. After a half an hour of punch dancing his feelings out, Silky Rey gathered himself infront of the media and say that he was going to participate in Meatstock and he was going to win with the help of Doug's trusty, rusty spoon. Today was the big day, Meatstock was finally open to the public and 450,030 people came to enjoy their favorite meats and to witness history. As planned Jimi Hendrix preformed the National Anthem to start the events and Rico Sauve had the smallest calf availible to sacrifice to the meat gods. One of the more successful events planned for Meatstock was the meat obstacle course where participants had to manuever there way through forests of lean meat and bacon fields. Pig toss was another succesfull event during Meatstock where meat enthusiests catapulted carcuses of pig across the city of Chigago. There were also events for the kids, one of which was bobing for porkchops and meat sculptures. The crowning of the meat king and queen was highly loved and anticipated for. Then it was time, the payper view event of the century with every citizen of Chicago in attendence to witness Silky Johnson and Don Logwood eat the worlds largest meatball in the world. Rico Sauve then graced the crowd with two giant meatballs. A meatball that would make most men cry let alone one man finishing the meatball of all meatballs with only his willpower and an empty gut. Before the competitors began to devour their meatballs Don had some words with Silky asking about where his trainer Doug was. Silky was full of anger because he knew that Don had sent Richy out to brutally murder his beloved Doug. Silky lashed out with naughty words that he learned from his mother that brought Don to tears. Later that day we learned that Silky washed his mouth out with soap after Don told his mother what he had said. When the feasting began the crowd went wild as Don started to inhale the meatball and Silky was using Doug's rusty, trusty spoon to get the job done. Rico Sauve could not have found a better pair of competitors to attempt to eat the worlds largest meatball. Both Don and Silky could be compared to ferocious liond feasting on a meatball made of gazelle meat but in this case it was made of the meat of cows. Neither of the two wanted the other to know much the giant meatball was hurting their tummy but naturally that would have given the other an advantage knowing that information. After 25 minutes of intense eating, Silky was feeling the effects of the monster meatball and needed to take some Tums to settle his stomach and got up from the table to get his duffle bag. While Silky was gone from the table Richy Rich snuck up and sabotaged his rusty, trusty spoon. As Silky returned to the table he saw that Don was slowing down and had already eaten his Tums and he was feeling the burn of the beef. Silky Rey being his arrogant self was feeling a bit cocky so he went over to Don's meatball and started to taunt Don and his fans. Silky then began to take some of Don's meatball and to the crowds shock began to eat and even lick the giant meatball. Silky Rey was then escorted back to his respected seat where he then began to finish his meatball. Silky began to run a train on his meatball but the rusty, trust spoon was extremely weak and with less than a quarter of the meatball left it snapped. Silky was crushed that the spoon that once belonged to Doug was gone and it was obvious to the crowd that Silky was not going to win. Don took advantage of the situation and ate the rest of his giant meatball with the speed of a cheetah and soon he was the champion. The crowd roared as Don Logwood took his last bites and Rico Sauve came out and presented him with a trophy for eating the worlds largest meatball. It was an amazing feat to be done and Don was actually the underdog in the competition. As Don took his bows and thanked the crowd for having his back and showing their support, Silky snuck away from the photographers and began his long walk back to his house. He was stopped by Don and Richy Rich and where they started to congradulate him and when he went to shake his hand. Don skillfully pulled it away and mocked Silky Rey as he did when he started to eat his meatball. In the end, Don went home with a shiny new trophy and Silky Rey went home with nothing to show for all his hard work that he put in. Since Silky failed to win in honor of Doug and even broke his rusty, trusty spoon, he gave up on his dream to be a professional eater. He then changed his name to Robert Hanssen because he was embarrassed of his defeat at Meatstock and became an American FBI agent. Unfortunately he will spy for the Soviet and Russian Intelligence and will serve the rest of his life in prison. Don did nothing with the rest of his life and was fine with that. Meatstock was never held after that because E. coli had poisoned most of the meat and too many people died so the city of Chicago decided to ban Meatstock from ever happening again.