Ahkmed+Jones+and+the+Donuts+of+Doom

 __ Ahkmed Jones and the Donuts of Doom __ It was a new summer day when the sun was rising and went through the glass window of the donut shop only to hit an obese cop with a nametag that said Ahkmed Jones. Growing up in the Louisiana Bayou meant that donuts were a privilege to have for breakfast each day. While making his order a middle-aged nuclear physicist named Tiberius walked in, looking very happy and knowing that he just bought and saved and expensive unicorn from the pound. Since unicorns have a strict diet of only fatty foods, donuts seemed appropriate and after buying his two-dozen donuts he said goodbye to the cop and walked out with a hop in his step. But when he reached his car he went into panic mode, realizing that he had left the window open too far and someone had taken advantage of the opportunity and had stolen his unicorn. Tiberius threw his donuts on the ground and saw out of the corner of his eye a young man with his unicorn get in a car and bolt out of the parking lot. “Help, Police!” he shrieked, Ahkmed the cop then ran out of the shop with one hand on his taser and another grasping his donuts like a football. Dodging poles he got to Tiberius panting like a dog. Tiberius asked him to chase the young man and get his unicorn back. When Ahkmed hesitated, Tiberius explained to him that he owned the vacant building next to the donut shop and he would give the police the building as a reward for finding his new pet. Grinning, Ahkmed agreed knowing that this would not only give him a promotion but he would be close to the great donuts. Ahkmed then broke into a waddling run to his cruiser and turned on the sirens and took off after the man. Ahkmed’s face glinted with sweat as he pressed his foot on the gas pedal, heart beating with the excitement of the chase and the prospect of getting a building so close to those delicious donuts. At the thought of the sweet, sugary, calorie-packed treats the large policeman smiled, but his lips quickly twisted back into a grimace of determination as he reminded himself of his job. He couldn’t afford to get off track. He had to save that poor unicorn! Up ahead, the thief Tierone swerved all over the place, doing his best to avoid hitting anyone. He may have been a jerk and stole things for self-gain, but that didn’t mean he wanted to kill anyone. Ahkmed followed, sirens as loud and obnoxious as any other proud policeman’s, tires squealing on the pavement of the road. Terrified citizens ran screaming from the two crazy drivers, praying that the chase would soon be over and the culprit would be in jail and the cop would back in the donut shop where neither of them could cause more harm. As Tierone checked behind him to see how close Ahkmed was to catching up, he lost control of the steering wheel and crashed into a pole. Ahkmed slammed on the brakes, but his momentum carried him into the back of Tierone’s car. The thief jumped out of the window with the unicorn, stumbling as he ran. Ahkmed followed at a sprint, panting after only a few steps. He considered giving up on the chase and letting another younger, faster cop take over, but by then Tierone would have gotten away and the poor unicorn might never be found. Besides, the rewards were too great to let the opportunity pass by. Gasping for air, Ahkmed Jones pushed himself to run faster, which still wasn’t very fast. Luckily for Ahkmed, Tierone was quite clumsy and kept stumbling as he ran, finally tripping and falling flat on his face, the unicorn bleating in fear. Ahkmed caught up to the youth as he struggled to his feet. Finally Ahkmed grabbed the thief by the collar and pulled him down to the ground viciously. The thief fought and fought but Mr. Jones would never let him get away after all of the effort he put into chasing him. Ahkmed grabbed his handcuffs off of his belt and latched them to one hand then around a telephone pole and then the other hand. Then the robber said desperately, “Ok, I give up. My name is Tierone Dwuan.” The cop looked up in surprise and out of breath he said, “Wait, Tierone Dwuan the one who sells unicorns on the black market Tierone Dwuan?” “Yes,” the young man said, grinning from ear to ear, “And I am only the smallest person on the totem pole of the organization.” Ahkmed got a determined look on his face and replied, “Too bad, because now I am going to bring down the entire organization by myself.” “Haha!” Tierone responded. Infuriated by the thief's attitude, Ahkmed pulled out his taser, but then he saw the instant change in Tierone's expression from defiance to fear and felt pity for the young man. So he put his taser away and hauled Tierone to his feet. Ahkmed knew that now more than ever he needed donuts before he could move on to solve this case. So he took Tierone and the unicorn and put them in his car and they drove to the shop. There he put hand cuffed Tierone to a pole and again and went inside. He got his donuts and call Tiberius to come to get his unicorn. Then Tiberius showed up to collect his precious unicorn. When Tiberius walked in the store, he saw his adorable, little unicorn in the backseat of the cop car. He could see the fear in the little unicorn’s eyes even at a distance. She sat there whimpering and shaking like a little puppy, not aware of what was going on. When the unicorn saw Tiberius open the door, she jumped into his arms recognizing him as her owner even after the short time they were together. She became instantly calm as Tiberius stroked her gently. “Thank you Officer Jones,” said Tiberius as he handed Ahkmed five dollars to buy his donuts. Ahkmed walked, very pleased, into the donut shop as Tiberius left, giving the thief a threatening scowl. As Ahkmed came out with a dozen donuts in his hand and one clenched between his teeth, he swallowed it whole in an attempt to shout when he caught sight of the unicorn thief trying to escape his handcuffs. Ahkmed signaled for the Heimlich maneuver, but the only other person on the sidewalk was Tierone, who was handcuffed to the pole. Gasping for air, he ran out into the street in hopes of getting a cars attention. Unfortunately, he got the attention to late. Oblivious to sound due to the lack of oxygen, Ahkmed did not hear the car horn. When he turned around he caught a glimpse of the black, stealth-like sedan that skidded into the folds of fat on his stomach. The donut dislodged from his throat at he flew backward only to hit his head on the solid, silver pole that the thief was handcuffed too. The bald, shiny head, the only part on his body that did not have any fat on it, hit that pole so hard it knocked him out instantly as well as left a dent. However, the pole was not the only thing to have a dent in it. It was a gruesome sight. All Tierone could do was sit there helpless, watching the blood pour out of the dead man's head. The medics arrived soon after. It was assumed that the person in the black sedan called the ambulance as it sped away, obviously somewhat caring after the hit and run. Even when the medics were there though, the thief still sat there stuck to the pole. He had seen the keys to the handcuffs go flying when Ahkmed was hit but was too much in shock to speak. He never moved. He barely breathed. Tierone seemed almost lifeless himself as the ambulance drove away sorrowfully and in no apparent rush to get to the hospital. The lightning struck and the rain poured on the on a Sunday afternoon at the cemetery when Mr. Ahkmed Jones was lowered into his damp grave. The only ones there to watch the limp body were his chief, parents and his sister. His sister was crying and collapsed to the ground and his parents could not bear the sight of his XXXXXXXXXXX-large casket that had to have a six-foot deep hole. The chief laid a purple heart of his chest and started the sob. The Priest finished his last words and said goodbye to fair man. The burial site was filled over with dirt and then flowers and pictures were left in his honor. Then came the wind, blowing the rain sideways, so they decided to leave. But unfortunately the family had to pay extra because the hearse's tires blew out because of Ahkmed’s weight. The family drove a long and solemn drive to the donut shop where they put a plaque for him because he was their number one customer. The owner of the shop came out and said a few words to help comfort the Jones family. They finally went out to their car to leave and grieve at home when a nuke went off in the building next to the donut shop, destroying the entire city.